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Archive for July 19th, 2018

For Buddy

It feels a little creepy, when my current dog is so sick, to post this poem that I wrote five years ago when my Buddy was dying.  But, I think, not really creepy.  It’s just about mortality, about impermanence.  Everything dies.  Everyone we love will eventually go away from us – by their death or ours or something else.  My very wise friend Arayah said after Toni’s heart disease diagnosis, “Toni will be with you exactly as long as she is meant to be with you – not one day more or less.”

When my Buddy was dying, my friend Johanna – a big fan of my poetry, said to me on the phone, “Write Buddy a poem – and read it to him right before you put him down tonight.”  It knew it was the best advice I could have gotten.  That afternoon I carried Buddy out to our back deck for us to sit in the glorious warm late-fall sunshine.  I sat next to him and very easily wrote the poem.  I read out loud to him and I – who had not yet found my way into my tears about his dying – cried like a baby.  It was healing.  I hope it is helpful to you.IMG_0140

For Buddy

Once you were afraid of me – and all men
When I stepped on your paw, you ran away –
You thought I was trying to hurt you
Now I am your safe space
You trust me
You have taught me about trust
You have taught me so many things

You have shown me what it’s like
To come totally awake to the night
To smell, hear, and sense it all
Like there is no tomorrow
Like there is nothing else
Just this night – here, now

You have shown me what it’s like to be content
This moment, this place, this life

You have shown me what it’s like to have no regrets
No second-guessing
Wishing we had done something different

I can’t take away your cancer
I can’t extend your life
I can’t keep you here with me
I can commit to you, before you go
Out of gratitude for all you have given me
Over all these years
That I will redouble my efforts
To sense the night
To be content
To have no regrets
And that sometimes
When I feel the night
Am content or
Have no regrets
I will think of you
And I will smile

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