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Archive for August 25th, 2009

Today i have a very different theory (different from my post from last night) as to why last night out in our back yard, after seeming to completely relish my bedtime attention, Buddy then abruptly broke it off and went into his doghouse.

He actually broke it off twice.  After the first few minutes of seeming totally happy to have me there, he stood up and moved a few feet away, to one of the other nice little holes he has dug for himself in the backyard.  Typically, if I follow him to his new spot, he seems to be really happy that i did.  I speculate sometimes that he is in some way testing to see how much i really am there for him, but i obviously am making all this stuff up.  But on most occasions, following him seems to work.

Last night, after i followed him, he seemed at first to be very happy that i had – he went back to leaning up against me, rolling around in pleasure, etc.  But – whereas usually with these goodnight visits he seems to not want them to end and, no matter how long i hang in, always looks mournfully at me when i finally quit and go back to the house to put me to bed – this time, after just a few minutes, he broke the cuddling off and went into his doghouse.

Last night i speculated that it was just too much intense pleasure for him to tolerate (cuz i behave this way sometimes).  This morning i have an alternate theory, which may a little bit connect with the first one but is really very different.

When i came out of the house into the backyard to sit with Buddy and say goodnight, he looked not just content sitting in one of his fav spots (“power points”, some folks might say), 15 yards up the hill by the huge oak tree – he looked majestic.  He radiated a kind of calm strength.

So, to have his human – whom he obviously loves completely – also sitting with him should be just one more plus, right?  Most times that would be true – but this time i think my presence just messed with him.  He didn’t need me there: he was completely happy communing with the earth, the gorgeous energy of that fabulous tree spilling all around him, intoxicated by the smell and sounds of a perfect summer night.  He not only didn’t need me, but focusing then on our relationship – much as he relishes it – broke the spell.  Paying attention to me took him out of his magical connection with the night and the natural world around him.

I kinda like this insight, even if I’m making it up.  I know that, when my son was growing up, what he somnetimes needed from me (and, obviously, more as he grew older) was to leave him the hell alone.  Let him have his play – with his friends or even just in his contented solitariness.

Sometimes it might even be great for me to let go for a while of being a compulsive giver – and explore my own relationship with the delicious night.

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