Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for July 16th, 2009

Sometimes my needs and Buddy’s are very much in sync.

When i woke this morning, i had a piece of writing formulating itself in my head.  If i don’t catch this stuff when it’s fresh, it can get all kinds of fuzzy before i get back to it.  And the muse can get cranky if i don’t honor what she is giving me: she can get stingy about sending me more.

But i also realized, having just gotten up this morning, that my head was pretty much still full of cotton.  So, instead of going straight to my laptop on my front porch, i took Buddy – and me – for a walk.  i knew that my writing would go better if i first got my energy moving around and my head more clear.  So i bargained with the muse that i would take my little spiral notebook with me and jot notes as Buddy and i walked – not the best arrangement with the writer in me, but good enough.  And fortunately our little walk up the hill does not require me to put my physical body at risk by crossing streets with my nose down in my notebook.

But, when Buddy and i come back from a walk, i also like to plop on the ground in the backyard and give him some love – especially when he’s been outside and me inside all night.  And he loves and wants it.  And it’s good for me to take this time out, this cuddle time (especially as a break, when i have been working).  And Buddy’s doggie neighbor-friend Dorie is out of town and Buddy’s lonely.  And i knew i would have to face (or at least feel in the back of my head) those big mournful brown eyes as he watched me disappear back into the house.

But at this point my needs trumped Buddy’s.  This piece of writing was now getting clearer and more insistent.  So i went and gave Buddy a kiss on the nose (he loves those) and said, “Back atcha later, Bud”.  And trusted that he would be just fine not getting this extra love that he wanted (and, i could make a case, needed) – and that our relationship would be just as solid when i did get back to him, maybe even in some ways stronger from his heightened longing for me.

Hey, the reality is that much of the time (seems to be all the time for me), we don’t have time for everything we want to do.  Our most important intimate relationships cope with that reality all the time.  My best human friend Lynn had left a voice mail yesterday afternoon that said, “Nothing big, I’m just looking forward to catching up” – and i have been so immersed in this same writing project that i have not yet called her back.  I have, consciously, bargained with that relationship.  Did i not bargain with the muse this morning when i told her that i would get back to her later?

It’s good for me to not only be willing to bargain with buddy – even though he doesn’t know jack about bargaining, and only knows what he wants/needs in the moment.  But at least as important is to keep my perspective – to remember that this is actually no big deal.  Not, “Hey, he’s just a dog” (it’s amazing to me how deeply that societal maxim is still implanted even in my brain – i had heard it rolling around on this very walk), but simply “I’m choosing for me this time – and it’s no big deal, it’s just how reality, how all relationships work sometimes.”

Sometimes my needs trump Buddy’s.

Read Full Post »